Addictions

Just over a year ago, I had everything. A loving wife, great kids, an excellent practice, good partners, a lovely home, good physical health and a leadership role in community affairs.

Not again. I awoke from my liquor-induced sleep with my head pounding, my heart racing, and my remorse completely overwhelming. Not again, I thought. What is wrong with me?

Hello, I’m an alcoholic and this is my story. Why start my story in such a strange way? Because as an alcoholic I have a disease of denial that tries to convince me I don’t have it. I need to remind myself, not you, that I am and always will be an alcoholic.

Looking back, with 20-20 hindsight, I suppose there were a few signs. But that’s what all recovering alcoholics are apt to say. I drank in law school, and before that, too. I smoked marijuana. It was a wild, hippie time. I’d like to say I did it all, but I didn’t. I’m basically pretty conservative, careful and afraid of drugs. I stayed away from drugs because I knew that I would love them.

I grew up fairly normally. I did well in school and sports-not the best, but near the top. I had friends and even some girlfriends. I was essentially shy, and I would be so nervous going out on a date I would freeze up. I couldn’t eat for fear I would do something wrong (e.g., spill food, dribble or commit some other faux pas)

You never imagine your own child will become a homeless, hopeless, disoriented drug addict-the type of person you may have helped over the years as a criminal lawyer or encountered when looking for a trendy Gastown restaurant.