Law Is Hard, but We Make It Harder on Ourselves

This article was originally published anonymously in the September 2026 issue of The Advocate. Read the article here.

Law is inherently demanding—fast-moving, high-stakes, and often emotionally charged—but I’ve come to notice how much of its difficulty is compounded not just by the work itself, but by the ways we respond to it. Pressure turns into perfectionism, urgency becomes the default, and professional identity blurs into constant overextension. As independent, analytical professionals, we can also become resistant to help—whether that’s support from colleagues, feedback from others, or even permission to slow down and do things differently—often under the belief that coping alone is part of being competent or reliable. In trying to meet the demands of the profession, it can become easy to adopt habits and expectations that make the work feel heavier than it needs to be.

I spent the first half of my legal career at a larger firm, and despite my various efforts to change its culture and the way it was governed, I was unsuccessful. I had grandiose dreams of changing the culture for associates, changing the type of work we did, and changing how we rewarded the work we did. While I feel I had some success in changing the culture for our associates (at least in my neck of the woods), ultimately I could not change the focus of work we did or the way we rewarded the significant efforts that went into the growth and maintenance of the firm. This realization hit me at a partners’ meeting where I looked around the room and realized I was standing on an island and nobody shared (or had the courage to speak about) my vision for the firm.

This failure made me feel incredibly depressed and alienated at my firm. My relationships with my family, co-workers and clients suffered. My health suffered. My soul suffered. The only succor I felt during this time was the volunteer work I was doing which allowed me to focus on the needs of others rather than my own needs. While in many ways being of service during periods of chaos is a distraction, it really reinforced in me the reality that I truly enjoy helping others, even when I was the one who needed help.

I’m sure we’ve all encountered the bit of wisdom that “if you don’t like a situation, you can change it, accept it, or leave it”. I had spent over a decade trying to change and tolerate my circumstances but didn’t have the courage to leave it. I felt trapped by my financial needs, the opinion of my partners and peers outside the firm, and my own internal expectations for being “tough”. I remember actively trying to avoid running into certain people in elevators or corridors and going to cartoonish efforts to ensure our paths did not cross.

When COVID-19 hit and work from home became common, I retreated from the office and sought safety and comfort from my home workspace. Looking back, being afraid of going into the office was the warning sign that should have immediately forced me to take action. But it would still be a number of years until I had the strength and courage to change my situation.

For some reason, lawyers find change scary (most people do). It wasn’t until I firmly committed to moving on that my depression lifted and I was able to take control of my circumstances.

Despite amazing advice from my network of friends and family, I wasn’t in the right mental space to change my circumstance when I should have. It wasn’t until I had some sessions with Michael Kahn at LAPBC that I was able to get into the right head space to effect the change I needed.

Maybe it’s a male thing or a lawyer thing or a type A thing but asking for help on mental issues was a foreign concept for me. I had never spoken with a therapist and therefore was unsure what the process involved. Surprisingly the advice was eminently practical: what is making you feel bad and what actions can you take to feel better? Once I started journalling what was bothering me and tracking what made me feel better, I was able to come up with a “cheat sheet” of things to do when I was feeling down. Often the first cure on the list would not work, but I would diligently go down each list item until I felt relief. This was incredibly empowering.

With my toolkit in hand, I was finally ready to leave the firm I had started my career with and invested so much blood, sweat and tears in. Ordinarily the uncertainty of starting something new would have paralyzed me with fear of the downsides but for some reason it excited me. For the first time in a very long time, I felt truly in control of my future and, good or bad, at least I would be charting the course.

I decided on starting a new small firm with like-minded individuals and as any small business operator can tell you, the road is not an easy one. While the stress of running my own firm is very high it is a completely different feeling to the feeling I had at my old firm and the tools I have to deal with the stress are working well.

I still reach out to LAPBC for help when I am feeling overwhelmed, but I am excited for the future and grateful that I was able to make the change I needed.

If you are feeling similarly to the way I felt (i.e., trapped), remember that you can always change your circumstances. You just need the right tools and to be willing to ask for help when you need it. Don’t make the practice of law harder than it needs to be.

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