Workplace Issues - conclusion
When I am at the office beyond the closing time more than once or twice a week, I take a long, hard look at myself and try to discover what is so important that it’s keeping me from the other equally important aspects of my life. Is this piece of work really so important? Am I avoiding dealing with something else?
For I have realized that “work” wasn’t the problem, it was the symptom. I am as much addicted to work as other people are to substances. Burying myself in my work allowed me to avoid the larger issues and problems in my life, issues that I am still grappling with: my sense of self-worth, my need for approval from others, my fear of change and risk. So long as I allowed by commitment to my work take over, I didn’t have to deal with these things.
I have also come to realize that, in so many ways, entering this profession can be tantamount to vows of obedience, chastity and poverty. So often, the life of a lawyer means obedience to this culture of workaholism, which results in spiritual chastity and emotional poverty. This is a life that I am no longer prepared to live, even though I must fight almost daily against the seduction of the power and prestige inherent in this profession. The LAP and the connections I am making with others through the LAP are extremely helpful in supporting me to continue to improve my life.
I never called LAP during this crisis. If I knew then what I know now, I would have. As much as my counsellors were sympathetic and helpful, they have not experienced the overwhelming pressure lawyers face, the immense obligations we are under. Peer support would have been most welcome during this terrible process.
Regrets? Not many. I miss Starbucks (the nearest is 3 hours away). At times I wonder about lost career opportunities; at times I feel the pinch of a lower income. But I know that I have gained far more than I have lost.
For those of you who see yourselves in my story (and I know you are out there – I have spoken with many of you), I urge you to do something before it is too late. Pick up the phone and call the LAP. Most importantly, take the risk – live on the edge. Facing these problems, with the help of Interlock, has certainly made a difference in my life: my entire outlook has changed. I try to live life now, not by the idea that my job and the law are the most important things, nay the only things, but according to these words (attributed to Robert Louis Stevenson):
To have lived well, laughed often and loved much;
To have gained the respect of intelligent persons, and the love of children;
To have filled a niche and accomplished a task;
To have left the world a bit better;
To have appreciated earth’s beauty and not failed to express it;
To have looked for the best in others and to have given the best of yourself;
That is achievement.