Workplace Issues cont'd...
My spouse and I spent no time together, shared virtually no activities and I began to see my spouse as a hindrance. If only I didn’t have to go home so early and spend time with my spouse! We were drifting seriously apart and I simply buried myself in my work to avoid dealing with my marriage (“Honey, I can’t talk about this now, I have a 4-day trial starting tomorrow.”).
After several years of spiraling downward, I hit bottom – and bounced (I had yet to hit rock bottom). My employer and I had a serious disagreement and I almost lost my job. This was devastating to me. I began to realize that because I had put everything into my work, I would have nothing if I lost my job. However, even that epiphany didn’t cause a major change in my approach to work. I simply addressed the specific problem identified by my employer (earning a compliment in the process), but I still refused to see the bigger issue: that my work had taken over my life completely, and that I was fast burning out. I sought counselling with Interlock, but it never occurred to me to call the LAP; after all, I wasn’t an addict!
So, I threw myself into my work with greater abandon, taking on more and putting more and more into individual files. When my employer offered me a plum file, I was flattered and joyfully accepted this as a sign of the firm’s confidence in me. I took on one more major file, still striving for even more recognition from my employer. By this point, I was so obsessed by work that I was practically working around the clock, taking refuge in my office on Sundays to avoid my spouse’s accusing looks and comments.
Finally my “bounce” lost steam and I did hit rock bottom. My spouse left me, telling me that my behaviour was no longer tolerable, that our marriage was meaningless. A measure of my addiction was that, during the moment when my spouse was literally walking out the door, my only thought was “I don’t need this – I have a trial tomorrow”.
Then reality sunk in. continued...