A Lesson Learned
Addiction to work can be as insidious and destructive as an addiction to drugs or alcohol. Ironically, our society (this profession in particular) tends to hail dedication to one’s job as the ultimate virtue. But that dedication almost cost me my marriage and mental health. My substance of choice was not booze, marijuana or cocaine - it was work.
As the child of immigrants, I grew up with a strong Protestant work ethic. It was nothing unusual to see my father constantly at work – even on Christmas day he would spend a few hours in his study getting caught up on paperwork. My childhood memories of activities shared by the whole family are few and far between. My parents had few, if any, hobbies – even my father’s working with his tools was to make improvements to the house, not for his own enjoyment.
To a large degree, I inherited the same approach to work. Early on, I decided to have a glorious career in law and nothing was going to get in my way of reaching that goal. And if a particular interest did not further me along the road to law school, I would not pursue that interest. Team sports? Whatever for? How would that help me get into law school?
Shortly after being called to the Bar, I landed the job of my dreams. I was in Court continually; I loved the fast pace and the thrill of it all. But a funny thing started to happen – I began to take on more and more files, more than I could handle, all for the challenge, the prestige, and, I admit, the money. Not that the money got me anywhere – I was too tired and stressed out to enjoy the fruits of my labour and spend weekends (when not working) rallying my strength to go back at it on Monday morning.
I also didn’t realize how much my sense of self-worth became bound up in my work. If a judge ruled against me, I took it as a personal insult (also as proof of that particular judge’s complete lack of intelligence). I craved recognition from my employer – after all, wasn’t I doing an excellent job? Wasn’t I an asset to the firm? But my employer, being rather reticent, was not forthcoming with that kind of encouragement. So I took on more and more files, not recognizing that I was working so hard for all the wrong reasons.
Worst of all, my marriage suffered. continued...