Stress
Our beliefs and attitudes cause us to perceive events in our life in our own specific way, giving rise to thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that might be distressing.
If the distress in my life is, for the most part, of my own making, the only question I need to ask is “What am I going to do about it?” Blaming someone or something else is pointless and blaming myself or feeling guilty only exacerbates the problem. The one place I have the ability to effect change is within myself.
As I begin to work on myself I must develop three important attitudes: (summed up as W.H.O.)
1. Willingness – to do whatever needs to be done to eliminate the distress.
2. Honesty – with myself primarily – about my needs, wants, feelings, expectations, attitudes, etc.
3. Openness – to change - to new ways of thinking, feeling, and acting.
Five other important requirements are:
1. Awareness – Self-searching needs to become a regular habit for effective stress management. We need to become aware of how we are affected physiologically, psychologically, and behaviorally. We need to know what we are responding to and what our expectations are.
2. Acknowledgement – tell another or others. This breaks the cycle of internalizing the thoughts. It helps increase the awareness and it helps lead to acceptance.
3. Acceptance – before we can change anything, we must genuinely accept our circumstance, i.e. that I am 100% accountable for where I’m at. It’s like the alcoholic who has no hope of recovery until he accepts the fact that he’s and alcoholic. Acceptance doesn’t mean we have to like it. It just means we recognize “what is, is” – for now.
4. Action – I must decide what I can do to resolve my difficulty and do it. It helps to have a good support system to provide the support necessary to take action different from our habitual actions.
5. Appreciate – I might fall short of what my “ideal’ is but I can look at what I did and appreciate the effort I put in, my willingness and the progress I am making. Seek progress not perfection. Take time to appreciate what you have done and what others have done for you. Celebrate what’s right.