Mary's Story continued...
Toward the end, I could see the outlines of the disaster looming ahead. I would lose my practice and my license. My marriage would end. My children would go to live with their fathers. I would be utterly lost.
At last, in a moment of unspeakable desolation, some huge shift happened inside me. Something gave way and I found myself begging for help. What I actually found myself crying out was “God help me!” This, from a person of no known religion. Astonishingly, from that moment, my daily obsession with drinking vanished. I made the decision to go to Alcoholics Anonymous and do whatever I had to do to get sober. I wept my way through many of my first meetings, in the company of people I had previously thought to be too weird for words. They turned out to be, simply, other human beings caught in the same trap, and, inexplicably and beautifully, willing to help me. After years of outward sociability grafted onto inner loneliness and despair I found myself welcomed back to the human community.
Years later, it turns out that many of my friends are lawyers in A.A. As a result of the support network organized through LAP, I have had opportunities to help other lawyers as I was helped. I have attended workshops and retreats. I’ve heard lawyers and judges from all over North America describe how they have achieved and maintained lives free of drugs and alcohol.
Best of all, my own personal life has changed so drastically that I hardly recognized myself. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I enjoy my work. I love my children and finally have started to feel like I’m becoming the mother I’m supposed to be. I have great friends. Life is, as my youngest would say, funner.