Harriet the Over-Doer - page 4
At 24 Harriet took pride in weighing 96 lbs. Still my Harriet was unaware that she had any personal problems to address and time passed it was not until the abuse was directed at my children was I able to comprehend that only I could change the situation and I decided I must. This time I would have to escape with children in tow.
Without even having completed my high school year, and while still in the marriage, I decided to dust off an abandoned dream and I sat down and wrote a letter to a university asking what I would need to get into law school. Someone responded and that letter was my crutch and my goal for years as I worked multiple jobs, often two jobs at the same time, raised my kids, continued to volunteer, and graduated my undergrad program with an A average.
The letters confirming my acceptance to law school were a dream come true and the key to the next phase of my life. Once again I left and started anew. However, instead of any pride in my accomplishments, I carried with me the shame of not having been able to fully protect my children, something I had been determined to do since my own childhood. With me I also carried an entrenched sense of being unworthy, of knowing where I had come from and feeling its taint in everything I touched and saw.
However, there was a difference this time. Harriet was still compulsive, still obsessive and still a workaholic but now Harriet was desperate not to repeat the experience and never again to be victimized or permit the children, now teens to be either.
The road became a very lonely one, still convinced with every prospective suitor, or even colleague, that he presented only a mask of sincerity or kindness and that evil reigned beneath. In short – Harriet became a living breathing man-hater, the danger here was that Harriet’s own front had become so perfected over the years that few colleagues male or female were aware of this perspective. It took a very persistent individual to get past formidable barriers and I married for a second time to a wonderful man of the type I had only believed existed in fairy tales. Only then did I begin to develop trust in an adult male and it was this trust and support that enabled me to make contact with the LAP program years later. continued...
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