Co-Workers and colleagues may feel the disruptive effects of the illness in much the same way as the families and friends:
· Frustration and Anxiety – can’t count on the distressed person who is often moody, late with assignments and avoids responsibilities
· Anger and Resentment – feel overburdened and tired of covering up
· Fear – feel edgy about the loss of business, the firm’s reputation etc.
· Guilt – feel guilty about their desire to get rid of the problem – to get even
In both cases the families and the co-workers are often similar in enabling behavior. Perhaps they’ll make excuses or cover up and minimize the problem. Or they might look for answers other than the drinking or just plain avoid the distressed person.
Codependent patterns often go unrecognized, and cause great damage. They may actually help the dysfunctional person stay dysfunctional, and they prevent the codependent person from living a fulfilling life, sometimes for years after the original relationship has ended. If you believe you might have codependent habits, learning about codependency is the first step towards making a happier life for yourself. And, although no one can force another person to choose recovery, this knowledge can also help you create an environment in which a dysfunctional person can get healthy, and stay that way.
CHARACTERISTICS AND CONSEQUENCES
Codependency has many characteristics, which vary dramatically from person to person, but the central characteristic is the same. The codependent pays tremendous attention to the actions and feelings of others and neglects his or her own needs. The codependent is always reacting to another, rather than acting for himself/herself.
Some common characteristics of
codependency include:
worrying and anxiety,
“bending over backwards” to take care of others,
not knowing or not trusting one’s own feelings,
feeling guilty for “not doing enough,”
feeling isolated or depressed,
staying in bad relationships (or even sabotaging potentially good
ones),
trouble with emotional intimacy,
workaholism,
sexual problems,
lack of energy.
and low self-esteem.
inability to set boundaries
perfectionism
inability to share (or even feel) feelings
striving for achievement (at any cost)
Codependent people often “rescue” the
chemically dependent or dysfunctional person from the consequences of their
actions by lying for them, lending them money, making excuses for them, or
taking over their responsibilities. This makes it easier for the addict to keep
on using and for the dysfunctional person to remain dysfunctional.
The codependent may try to control the habits of the addict or dysfunctional
person by nagging, pleading or hiding the alcohol or other drug. Although the
codependent may be motivated by love, and struggle heroically to get the addict
or dysfunctional person to change, the only person each of us can change or
control is our self. Whether the addict or dysfunctional person chooses recovery
or to get help, or not, codependent people can work, learn and make choices that
will bring peace and enjoyment into their lives.